Guy Talk: Animal Love

Raul: “Let’s say you had to fuck one animal, which one would it be?”

Bill Nye: “Like you have to fuck one?”

Raul: “Yeah, like someone has a gun to your head or something and you have to fuck one or they’ll blow your brains out. It can be any animal.”

Hardjaw: “Fuck man, I don’t know. That’s a tough one.”

Bill Nye: “I think I would fuck a monkey. They are the closest to humans.”

Raul: “A monkey? Monkeys are fucking dirty as fuck. That’s fucking gross.”

Hardjaw: “Yeah man, monkey shit in their hands and throw it at you and have fleas and shit.”

Bill Nye: “Well, fuck. I guess I’ll have sex with a chicken. It’ll at least be very tight and it will flap all around and feathers will be flying all over the place. That will be exciting. What would you fuck, bro?”

Raul: “I think I’ll fuck a sheep. There’s got to be something to them if all those Haji fuckers fuck them.”

Hardjaw: “I would go for something more exotic. I’ll fuck a dolphin.”

Bill Nye: “A dolphin wouldn’t let you fuck it!”

Raul: “Okay, new rule… the animal will let you fuck it.”

Hardjaw: “Yeah man, I’ll fuck the shit out of a dolphin. Get in the water and shit, stick my dick inside its pussy and blowhole.”

Raul: “Blowhole head… fuck. Dolphins are pretty sexy.”

Hardjaw: “Yep, they sure are sexy.”

Raul: “Fucking looking all majestic and making cute little dolphin noises.”

Hardjaw: “Yeah, they enjoy fucking too. You know there are a lot of cases of male dolphins trying to rape female dolphins.”

Raul: “Yeah?”

Hardjaw: “Yeah man, young male dolphins are bullies. They’ll go around in packs and attack lone female dolphins and rape them.”

Raul: “That’s fucked up. She was probably asking for it though, swimming around all naked.”

Hardjaw: “Yeah, they also try to rape humans too.”

Raul: “Like that one episode of King of the Hill where Hank was almost raped by a dolphin.”

Hardjaw: “I remember that episode. The females also feel pleasure too. They’re horny as fuck.”

Raul: “I change my decision, I’ll fuck a dolphin.”

~Raul Felix

Read this or dolphins will rape you: The Foul Mind

10 thoughts on “Guy Talk: Animal Love

  1. I feel weird “liking” this. Since we’re deep into this rabbit hole already, do dolphins have dicks then or what? I imagine they’d be pretty rhythmic with all that tail flapping they do in the water… You might be onto some new fetish, here.

  2. People around me in the cafe wonder what I am howling at here. I just can’t tell them out loud here, but Now I know what I want to be for Purim! I think I may go hang outside the surf zone and see what happens, huh? Keep up the fine work! You are changing the world, bro’!

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